


Ground Zero

by Manage_mischief



Series: Fears and Freedoms [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Book 6: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, Canon Compliant, Discussion of Major Character Death, F/M, Injured Remus, Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter), Past Relationship(s), Post-Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, past wolfstar if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:14:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24626068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Manage_mischief/pseuds/Manage_mischief
Summary: Two-shot. Though Tonks had been fantasizing about moments like this for months—moments when the two of them were in bed together—none of them had involved quite this much blood or mortal peril.In which Remus is injured during a mission and Tonks has to think fast to save his life.
Relationships: Remus Lupin/Nymphadora Tonks, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: Fears and Freedoms [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1780486
Comments: 6
Kudos: 43





	1. Fears

**Author's Note:**

> This will be a two-shot and perhaps part of a larger Remadora series. They are definitely one of my OTPs, and I feel like a lot of their relationship was glossed over in the books. This story attempts to place a timeline on some of their romance. It takes places soon after Order of the Phoenix, before the Half-Blood Prince. I envision it happening right before Harry arrives at the Weasley’s and sees Tonks and Molly there. I’m pretty new to fanfiction writing, so any kind comments would be appreciated!

“We’d like a room, please,” Tonks furiously attempted to steady her voice as she supported the injured man beside her. She wrapped her arms around his waist, hoping the innkeeper would assume they were nothing more than two love-birds who couldn’t keep their hands off of each other, looking for a quiet night away. 

“Just a mo’,” the woman behind the desk remarked, holding up a finger while flipping through a large, leather-bound journal. “Let me check what’s available, dears…let’s see let’s see…”

Tonks bounced her leg, irritated. It took all of her strength not to vault herself over the desk and strangle the old lady. This was a crisis, goddammit!

_Breathe, just breathe._

Normally, Tonks prided herself on her ability to stay cool under fire. Normally, she’d be calm and collected, just like Moody had taught her. And she would have been, if anyone else had been leaning on her for support, dripping blood. Anyone else besides Remus Lupin. 

Remus had underestimated her when they first met. He, like many other members of the Auror Department, the Order, and her own family, quickly wrote her off: too young, too frivolous, too clumsy to do any good. He would scold her constantly. “ _Nymphadora_ ,” he’d sigh in his disappointed professor voice, shaking his head whenever she had said or done something _undignified_. Naturally, he’d annoyed the living shit out of her. She couldn’t stand his constant nagging. She’d even asked Moody for a transfer. 

“The two of you work well together,” her mentor had grunted, clearly indicating that there was no conversation to be had. She had more sense than to argue with Mad-Eye about such matters. He was a stubborn arse, just like her. It was why they got along so well.

It wasn’t until Remus and Tonks’ first real, proper, hunt-for-Death-Eaters-and-try-not-to-get-killed mission that the pair had bonded. Together, they had taken down a small group of Voldemort’s cronies stationed in Muggle London. Tonks had saved Remus’s life, blocking an _avada kedavra_ on course to hit him square in the chest and taking down four baddies in her wake. Funnily enough, Remus gained a bit more respect for her after that. She began to return the feeling. 

Respect blossomed into friendship. And friendship, at least for Tonks, had evolved into something much deeper and much, much harder to name. Her heart began to flutter each time he walked into the room. Their banter made her blush. She found herself making excuses to get close to him, despite every logical, reasonable voice in her head telling her becoming romantically involved with her partner would be an _absolutely horrid_ idea. She never had been good at listening to reason. 

Romantic feelings aside, the duo had made quite an impact on the Order. Their latest excursion had been going quite well…until it hadn’t. They were camped out in the woods near a small Muggle town in Wales. The Order had received a tip that Fenrir Greyback and his gang were hiding there, planning some attack for You-Know-Who. Despite the life-or-death circumstances, their little camping trip had been very enjoyable. The witch and wizard had sat under the trees, sharing secrets and stories of past mischief well into the night. Tonks even thought she had felt Remus’s hand brush hers as they lay on their backs, looking up at the stars that shone through the branches above. 

Then, they had been ambushed. Greyback had known they were coming. He must have. Three of his minions jumped them, just as their fire was beginning to die out. Tonks managed to defeat two of them in under a minute. She huffed, extremely pleased with her handiwork—until she heard a loud crash and a scream behind her. She whipped around. There was Remus, lying face down on the forest floor, bleeding profusely. The third member of Greyback’s pack grinned and darted back into the forest, leaving Tonks to take in the sight of her injured partner. 

It was clear that their hastily-assembled campsite would be insufficient for tending to Remus’s wounds, so Tonks had Apparated to the village just beyond the woods. Her main priority was getting him to a safe and comfortable place. Running water and heat would be a plus. This inn had been the closest space she could find. The building itself was a bit run down, but the warm glow of the window lights and the steady stream of smoke emerging from the chimney had seemed promising enough. And so, she led her partner through the door, attempting to conceal the blood seeping through his shirt as though not to draw suspicion. The last thing she needed was the Muggle police getting involved. She was not in the mood to Obliviate anyone tonight. 

“Hold on, we’ll get you fixed up,” she whispered in Remus’s ear, very aware of her own body pressed against his as he leaned on her for support. He nodded, his face paler than usual. Still, when the innkeeper looked up from her desk, he forced a smile, trying his best to keep up their alibi. 

“Aha, here you are! Room 219, second floor. Should be a cozy place for you two to… _relax_.” The matron winked and flashed a sly grin. Tonks tried to laugh, but was sure it sounded more like a sob. “Thank you very much, ma’am.”

Tonks guided Remus around the corner. No elevator. Perfect. “Remus, we’re going to have to climb the stairs. I don’t think it’s safe for me to Apparate with you again. Can you do that?” Remus grimaced and nodded. Tonks adjusted her grip, holding up as much of his weight as she could. “Ok. One step at a time, Remus. Let’s do this,” she said, more as encouragement for herself than for him. This was not the time to be tripping up the stairs (as she had been known to do, on occasion).

Slowly, painstakingly, Tonks and Remus made their way up the stairs. Every step was agony. She could feel his breath hitch and his body tense at each movement. He winced, he groaned. Her heart felt as if it were being ripped into pieces. She couldn’t stand seeing him in this much pain. _Get it together, Nymphadora!_ She scolded herself, using her hated first name. _Focus, dammit!_ Why did emotions have to be so bothersome? This was just a mission. Just like any other mission. She had to resist the urge to break down. She refused to let her feelings…whatever they happened to be…get in the way of saving Remus. 

Finally, they made it to their room. Tonks eased Remus onto the bed—of course, there was only one, because evidently the universe was determined to make Tonks’s life as miserable and humiliating as possible—and swung the knapsack she had been carrying off of her back. “Alright, I have a bit of Healer training. Let me see what we’ve got here…” she paused, her face reddening. “I’ll need to…um…expose the affected area….” Remus coughed. She chose to believe it was due to the exertion from stair climbing. There was certainly no awkwardness here. No sir. She was a professional. 

“Okay then. Right. Um…” she kneeled in front of him and examined his injuries. There were three bloody gashes that began slightly left of his navel and wrapped around his left side before traveling up his back to his shoulder blade. His shirt was plastered to the area with a mixture of sweat and congealed blood. Scanning the rest of his body, she noticed a few more minor scrapes, as well as what seemed to be a large puncture wound on his left thigh. His breath continued in a ragged rhythm. Her hands began to shake. 

“I’ve looked worse,” he chirped, cracking a feeble smile. His grin gave her a jolt of confidence. Reinvigorated, she stood and grabbed her knapsack, which had been enchanted with an Undetectable Extension Charm. 

“Debatable, old man,” she teased back. “I’m going have to get a better look at what we’re dealing with. Do you think you can take off your clothes?” Was it just a trick of the light, or had she seen some color return to his cheeks? 

“I hate to ask, but… I don’t think I can manage it on my own.” He demonstrated a feeble attempt to raise the hem of his shirt, wincing. Tonks swallowed and nodded slowly. She plunged her arm deep into the magic bag and rummaged around until she found what she was searching for: a silver-bladed knife. “I hate to ruin your shirt…”

“I think we might be a bit past that point,” he quipped. Sitting down on bed beside him, she began to gently cut away the blood-soaked fabric. She worked as quickly as she dared—not wanting to tear away his skin, which clung to the sticky, formerly-white cloth. Finally, she was able to remove the garment, exposing Remus’ bare chest. This time, she felt her own breath hitch. Her eyes lingered, just for a moment, on his leanly muscular frame. She noticed streaks of white running crisscross over his bare skin: old transformation scars. She averted her gaze. This was no time to be ogling the half-naked man in front of her. Though she had been fantasizing about moments like this for months—moments when the two of them were alone in bed together—none of them had involved quite this much blood or mortal peril. Come to think of it, none of them had involved _any_ blood or mortal peril. 

The gashes on his chest and back were pretty superficial, despite the bleeding, and did not seem to have punctured any vital organs. She would simply have to stem the bleeding and bandage them up. She moved to examine his leg. “Lie down,” she commanded, and assisted as he tried to move his legs up onto the bed.

_Grow up,_ she thought to herself, as she helped guide him out of his trousers. Her heart sank. The wound was deep. Furthermore, she deduced from the greenish tinge surrounding the gaping flesh, the weapon that had made it must have been poisoned. Great. She knew she should have paid more attention in potions. Furiously rummaging through her knapsack once more, she pulled out several bottles and desperately read their labels, muttering to herself. “Bubotuber pus, no. Mandrake draught, no. Love potion antidote, no, why do we even _have_ this?!” Despite his state, Remus chuckled. “Clearly, you’ve never had the pleasure of being under the influence of a love potion. Now _that’s_ dangerous.”

“Okay, right now I’m trying to focus on saving your life, Lupin, but as soon as I’m finished, I want every, and I mean _every_ detail of that story.” 

“Fine, fine. If I don’t succumb to whatever injuries those prats inflicted upon me, you can hear the story. But, if I do die, I want you to promise you’ll mourn me properly. Black veils, wailing, flinging yourself onto my coffin, the works.”

“There’ll be none of that talk! I’ll have you up and running about in no time, grandpa,” Tonks joked back, though still frowning. Dumbledore said he had given them everything they could possibly need for their adventure. Surely, he must have packed them something to deal with poison. Suddenly, her fingers wrapped around another, extremely small bottle. She pulled it out of the bag and searched the label. All it said was “ _From Fawkes, for Order emergencies,_ ” with a picture of a red bird on the label. 

“What’d’you reckon this could be,” Tonks asked as she passed Remus the bottle. 

“Fawkes is Dumbledore’s bird, I believe,” he responded, twirling the bottle in his hands, as if searching for a hidden message. 

Tonks’s face lit up. “That’s it! Give it here!” She grabbed it out of his hand and hastily unscrewed the top. 

“What is?” 

She grinned up at him as she used the dropper top to apply a generous amount of clear liquid to his punctured leg. Sure enough, the wound began to knit itself back together, the green hue fading. “Fawkes is a phoenix, isn’t he?” 

“Yes, but I don’t… _of course!_ ” his faced beamed with realization. They met each other’s eyes and simultaneously exclaimed: “Phoenix tears have healing powers!” A moment passed. 

“Nerd,” Tonks remarked. Then, the pair burst out laughing, the tension from the night’s events pouring out of them with a relief. Remus winced again, drawing them both back to reality. 

“I suppose we don’t have enough to use on my other wounds as well?” 

“No,” Tonks replied, once again searching through the bottles surrounding her, “but we do have Essence of Dittany and bandages!” 

“That’ll do just fine.” Remus smiled.

The next hour consisted of Tonks carefully dabbing Dittany onto Remus’s chest and back. Now that the immediate danger had passed, she could no longer ignore the chills coursing up and down her spine as she lightly brushed his bare skin. Once she had bandaged the last of the gashes, she allowed her hand to linger for a split second. She ran her fingertips gently down his uninjured back. He went unnaturally still. She pulled her hand away, quickly. “I’m glad you’re okay, Remus.” 

Abruptly, she jumped up off of the bed, walked to the bathroom, and locked the door. She let herself sink to the floor, back against the wall, and put her head in her hands. Taking a few deep breaths, she tried to slow her racing heart. There really was no denying it: she was deeply, madly, hopelessly in love with the man who lay beyond the bathroom door.


	2. Freedoms

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remus recovers from the attack while Tonks tries (and fails) to stay casual. There's only one bed, after all. 
> 
> Past Wolfstar if you squint.

One minute. That’s how long she allowed herself to lose control. Sitting there, shivering on the cool bathroom tile, she felt like a complete idiot. Since it had been well-established that the universe hated her, it made perfect sense that she had to have gone and fallen in love with a man who she was quite certain would never love her back. At least, not in the way she hoped. She had managed to earn in his friendship, but was sure that, in his eyes, she was still the same immature girl he had believed her to be all those months ago: too young, too frivolous, too clumsy. And, he was probably right. He had been a bloody professor for Merlin’s sake! Meanwhile, she was the girl who would pretend to be professors to pull pranks and end up in detention with a Howler from home the next day. 

Not to mention the issue of Sirius. She had never known exactly what had gone on between Remus and her cousin in the past. But, after Remus’s reaction to Sirius’s death, she was fairly certain their relationship had not been strictly platonic. These thoughts of Sirius caused her to shake even more. A few stray tears slid down her cheeks. It was her fault he was dead. 

She relived the fight at the Department of Mysteries every day. Her biggest failure. What could she have done differently? What curses or hexes had she forgotten? If she had been a better dueler, a better _Auror_ , would Sirius still be alive today? Surely, Remus had asked himself similar questions. So, Tonks resigned herself to the sad truth: even if Remus felt anything towards her, he would never want to be with the witch whose incompetence had led to the death of one of the only people on Earth he had ever loved. 

Her minute was up. Tonks pushed herself off of the floor. She leaned over the sink and stared in the mirror. Her hair, which often involuntarily changed color to reflect her mood, had reverted to its natural mousy brown. Right now, she possessed neither the desire nor the energy to turn it back to pink. With one hand still gripping the basin of the sink, she turned on the faucet. For a moment, she just stood there, listening to the water run. She took a deep breath and splashed a few handfuls of cold water on her face. Returning to the bedroom, she was determined to force any longing thoughts concerning Remus from her mind. _Constant vigilance_ , she repeated to herself, policing her stream of consciousness in order to banish all romantic inclinations. Although, somehow, she was certain this was not quite what Mad-Eye had had in mind when he coined the phrase. 

“You should try and get some sleep,” she remarked as she exited the bathroom, feigning a casual tone. “You take the bed. I’ll put some blankets on the floor.”

He propped himself up on his elbows to look at her properly. “Don’t be ridiculous, Tonks. You just saved my life. You’re not sleeping on the floor. This is a king-sized bed, there’s plenty of room for the both of us.” 

_Great, just great_. Why did this man have to be so goddamn chivalrous? So much for ignoring the mess going on in her brain and…other regions… Sharing a bed was not going to make this situation any easier. Maybe if she possessed more willpower, she would have told him no—insisted that she sleep on the floor, or went downstairs to check out another room. But she didn’t. Instead of making what would have undoubtedly been the more responsible decision, she began to remove her shoes and bloodstained clothes to join the half-naked subject of her pining under the blankets. 

The two partners sat in silence for a prolonged moment, both staring up at the ceiling to avoid meeting the other’s gaze. Tonks mentally kicked herself. This was getting ridiculous. There was no reason why she should be acting like a schoolgirl. She was an Auror: an elite wizarding warrior. She ate Death Eaters for breakfast. Surely, she held the capacity to brave the awkward territory into which they were entering. She turned to face him, sitting herself crisscross with her feet on the mattress. “So…love potion, eh?” 

He chuckled lightly, relieved at the break in the tension. “I suppose I did promise you a bedtime story, didn’t I?”

“It really is the least you could do. Seeing as I saved your life and all, Lupin.” 

“Fair enough, but I’m afraid I made the tale sound a lot more interesting than it actually was.”

Tonks raised her eyebrows. “Spill.” 

“In my 5th year, some admirer of Sirius’s—I should note he had plenty of them—gave him some fire whiskey for Christmas. I told him not to drink it. Naturally, I assumed he had tossed it out after my warning. But then, one night, he and I were in our room and fancied a drink. Sirius opened a bottle of fire whiskey, which, as you can probably guess, was the bottle he had received from the girl. We drank it. Needless to say, when Peter and James found us later that evening, we were in quite a state—blabbering on about a ‘Michelle Thompson’ or something like that. We had started a duel over which one of us would get to ask her to Hogsmeade. I had cast _Levicorpus_ and Sirius was hanging upside-down in mid-air when they arrived. Well, James and Peter had a right laugh, but then, being the good friends that they were, used James’s invisibility cloak to sneak down to the Dungeons and fix up an antidote. When I came to, they told me what had happened. Obviously, I was quite reluctant to drink or eat anything Sirius offered me for a long time after that.” 

Tonks giggled. “Sounds like something Sirius would do, drink something given to him by a strange woman without thinking. Reminds me of the time Charlie Weasley almost ate a tainted chocolate frog before a Quidditch match. Some Slytherin bloke had them delivered by owl the morning before the game. Unmarked. I had to slap it out of his hand! Turns out it was filled with undiluted Bubotuber pus! He would’ve been out commission for weeks! But, even after we found all that out, he was _still_ cross with me for ruining his chocolate frog! How thick can you be?!? I mean I know sometimes Mad-Eye’s methods are a bit out there, but, you’ve gotta admit, the bloke’s got a point about never eating or drinking something you didn’t make yourself.” Tonks was cracking up, fondly remembering the look of innocent disappointment on Charlie’s face. She snorted. Her hands instantly flew to cover her mouth, eyes wide. _What kind of noise was that?_ She didn’t even have her pig snout on! 

To her surprise and delight, Remus smiled and laughed alongside her. For a second. Suddenly, the weight of death hung heavy in the room. Their laughing ceased. The pair looked away from each other once again. 

“You and Sirius were close, huh,” Tonks remarked, emotionless. She turned back to face him. He gave a quick nod, still avoiding meeting her gaze. She would not pry.

“You know, in some ways, you’re very much like him. You both have the same devil-may-care attitude, the same penchant for troublemaking.” 

She noticed he used the present tense. 

“I’d never met him before the Order. Mum was banished from the family once she married Dad, y’know. But if she ever mentioned the Blacks, she would tell me he was her favorite,” Tonks reminisced. 

She remembered the last days she had spent with Sirius at Number 12 Grimmauld Place. They had laughed and drank themselves silly, destroying as many Black Family heirlooms as they could get their hands on. She had asked him for advice about her Order missions—not because she had really required it, but because she could tell her questions made him feel needed. She was pretty sure he known then about her developing crush on Remus. But, he showed no signs of jealousy or animosity towards her. Instead, he would flash sly smiles and wink at her whenever Remus was near. “Moony’s a good bloke,” he had cryptically remarked during one of their final afternoons together, after he had caught her staring. 

Those conversations with her now-dead cousin seemed ages away. The guilt resurfaced once again, swelling in her chest, snapping her back to the present. 

“It’s not your fault,” Remus gently whispered. Feeling tears pricking in her eyes, she furiously blinked, attempting to ebb their flow. 

“That he’s…that he died. It isn’t. Bellatrix was after Sirius. I hate to admit it, but she may be a better dueler than the whole Order put together. She would have gotten him regardless, it was all set up. She would have done anything to kill him. She hated him. If it’s anyone’s fault that Sirius is dead, it’s mine. I should have known something was wrong. I should never have let him leave that house.”

“But he was dying there, too,” Tonks replied, her voice breaking. “He was dying every day he couldn’t be out fighting with us. There was nothing anyone could have done. He had to leave that house eventually. I would have done the exact same thing. It’s a shame we all didn’t wise up sooner.” 

Another heavy silence filled the room. “He told me you were a good man, Remus.” 

Silence again. And then, “He said the same about you.”

She raised a questioning eyebrow. 

He continued. “I mean, clearly, you are a very kind, very beautiful woman…” he trailed off. Some part of Tonks was elated that he had called her beautiful. Another part was ashamed for feeling elated. They were discussing a dead guy, for Merlin’s sake! 

His next remark was so quiet she wasn’t sure he had really spoken at all. “He said he approved.”

“Approved of what?” 

Instead of responding to her question, he said: “I told you earlier that you’re a lot like him. But you are different in many ways, too.” 

“Oh?” She tried to hide some of her disappointment. Was this his way of telling her he wasn’t interested?

He stared intensely into her eyes. “Sirius tried to do everything in his power to distance himself from expectations. He worked very hard to be seen as different, and cared very much about how others saw him, despite appearances. But you don’t feel bound by anyone’s expectations. You don’t care what others think of you. You’re unapologetically whoever you want to be, your own person. You’re unique, Dora. It’s one of the things I love most about you.” 

She couldn’t quite remember what had followed. An infinitesimal shift of a body. A creak of a bed spring. A gentle kiss. Then more. She briefly broke away. “I think I’m in love with you, Remus.” 

He pulled her closer into him, now both sitting up. Their kisses deepened, becoming frantic and hungry—quite unlike any kisses she had experienced before. Careful not to disturb his still-healing wounds, she ran her hands over the uninjured parts of his chest, feeling the lean muscle below her fingertips. She felt his hands respond in turn. Electricity coursed through her veins. All thoughts fled her mind. It was just the two of them, wrapped up together on the old hotel bed. She glanced at him in between breathless kisses, questioning. He met her eyes and nodded. “I think I’m in love with you too, Dora.” 

They both grinned as she straddled him, as gently as she could…

Tonks gazed at the sleeping man beside her, attempting to memorize every feature of his face. He looked so peaceful, so carefree, when he slept. There was no telling what would happen when he woke: if he would express regrets, tell her he couldn’t be with her, admit he had made a mistake. Maybe she was a daft idiot for sleeping with her partner. Maybe he would reject her, using their age difference or his werewolf status as excuses for why they would never work. She honestly didn’t know what she would do if he said any of those things. It could be the beginning or the end for them. But at this moment, she forced herself to remain in the present, to remain in the warmth of Remus, his arms wrapped protectively around her waist. She kissed his forehead before dozing off into a blissful, dreamless sleep. Free.


End file.
